We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
