If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Houston, we have a blender
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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