Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
