need another drink. this is the easiest way
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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