Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
