I have demons in me.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
