I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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