Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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