Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
