pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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