Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
