In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
