I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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