Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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