she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Girls should come with a carfax report
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
