Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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