just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
