Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
