So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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