I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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