Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
