wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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