A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
