Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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