If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
