I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
