i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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