did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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