And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
