WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
