I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
