WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Is it because I queefed?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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