M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
