You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
