Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
