I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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