i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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