I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
