he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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