Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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