The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
