um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
