You made me cry and you don't even care
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
