Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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