Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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