yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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