oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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