Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
