im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
