my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Can I color on your dick again?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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