I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
