i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
