I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
