I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
