she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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